ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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