Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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