We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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