I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
barbara walters just said penis...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
