Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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