Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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