I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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