HIV tests are more positive than that guy
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
