I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
