The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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