You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
