you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
