people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
