My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
