how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
