He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
