You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
