so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
