Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
