you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
