My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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