A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My pussy is not your playground.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
