Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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