what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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