I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
