Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
