he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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