You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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