fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
