These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You made out with two different species that night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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