They should really pass out barf bags in church
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
