Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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