Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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