Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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