Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
