just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
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I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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