im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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