I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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