never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
