I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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