i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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