I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
