eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
