i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
