I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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