no, he came in my armpit
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
