my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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