he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
