Need sex. Gaining weight.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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