Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
