if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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