Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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