you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you never un-have a 4some
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
