so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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