NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize