I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
