It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
