so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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