wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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