Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Let's get the cat blown out
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
