I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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