i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
